{"id":2747,"date":"2022-06-24T14:39:12","date_gmt":"2022-06-24T19:39:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/?p=2747"},"modified":"2022-06-24T14:39:43","modified_gmt":"2022-06-24T19:39:43","slug":"how-to-talk-with-a-karen-or-chad-negotiate-like-the-fbi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/post\/how-to-talk-with-a-karen-or-chad-negotiate-like-the-fbi\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk With a Karen Or Chad: Negotiate like the FBI"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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We\u2019ve all seen a Karen \u2013 or her male equivalent, a Chad. The outraged citizen who creates a public ruckus because some small need wasn\u2019t met to their specifications. Unfortunately, if you work in local government, you probably get more than your fair share of Karen-esque interactions.<\/p>

So how do you deal with them? You employ the same techniques used by hostage negotiators. After all, the Karen is holding you and others hostage with their outrage. (And, usually, ignorance.)<\/p>

Who are Karen and Chad?<\/p>

(No shade, I didn\u2019t come up with the names. I have great friends named Karen and Chad.)<\/em><\/p>

Typically, a Karen or Chad falls under one of these three categories.<\/p>

  1. A person who\u2019s entitled or demanding beyond the\u00a0scope of what is appropriate or necessary.<\/li>
  2. A person who cares more about how something is impacting them than society as a whole.<\/li>
  3. A person who gets involved in issues and situations that are none of their business.<\/li><\/ol>


    Negotiating like the FBI<\/strong><\/p>

    Once you\u2019re approached by a Karen, follow the FBI Hostage Strategy to de-escalate the situation. These five steps may feel counterintuitive, mostly because they take winning off the table. So before you get started, remember your job is to \u201cshut up and listen.\u201d You don\u2019t want to convince them of anything \u2013 no winning! \u2013 but you do want to try to understand the other person.<\/p>

    Step 1.<\/p>

    Listen actively.<\/strong> This means, listen without judging. One way to do this is by \u201cmirroring,\u201d which means tuning in to the other person\u2019s frequency by subtly following their body movements and hand gestures. It\u2019s not mimicry. It signals empathy.<\/p>

    Step 2.<\/p>

    Find empathy. <\/strong>Try to put yourself in their shoes and see their frustration. You don\u2019t have to agree in order to acknowledge. For example, it likely is aggravating that a parking lot is small or a new shopping center will disrupt their morning walk.<\/p>

    Step 3.<\/p>

    Establish rapport.<\/strong> Once you see and understand their frustration, motives and objectives, you can respond in kind with words that will resonate with them. You aren\u2019t manipulating them. You\u2019re trying to adopt their rationale. Say things like, \u201cI hear you.\u201d Or \u201cI get it.\u201d<\/p>

    Step 4.<\/p>

    Try to influence. <\/strong>Let go of the typical way we think of influence. It\u2019s not sway. It\u2019s problem solving. You understand their objective and you\u2019ve shown a willingness to help them achieve it. Now, you work to reframe their objectives in a way that addresses a behavioral change. Think of it this way \u2013 you\u2019re on the same team and now you\u2019re going to tackle the challenge.<\/p>

    Step 5.<\/p>

    Behavior change.<\/strong> Usually, this is where we start. We dive in and try to change their behavior while things are still heated. The truth: It doesn\u2019t work. Once you\u2019ve heard them, strived to understand them, verbally acknowledged their pain \u2013 THEN you suggest alternatives. Is there a different place they can park? A different route they can walk while construction is underway?<\/p>

    This approach isn\u2019t easy. It asks that we suspend our ego and check our arrogance at the door. It requires us to try to understand someone we likely don\u2019t agree with. Finally, it demands patience. We need to hear them first \u2013 and we may not want to do that.<\/p>

    I try to remind myself that working with the public demands that we hear them out and understand them. Services are supported by their tax dollars. They own a piece of the pie. They have a right to be heard.<\/p>

    But they don\u2019t have a right to hold you hostage.<\/p>

    So that\u2019s why you negotiate like you work for the FBI.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    We\u2019ve all seen a Karen \u2013 or her male equivalent, a Chad. The outraged citizen who creates a public ruckus because some small need wasn\u2019t met to their specifications. Unfortunately, if you work in local government, you probably get more than your fair share of Karen-esque interactions. So how do you deal with them? You […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":2752,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/fbi-negotiator.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2747"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2747"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2747\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2753,"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2747\/revisions\/2753"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2752"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2747"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2747"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shockeyconsulting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2747"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}