After an incredibly talented staff member announced she was leaving Kansas City because she was tired of overt racism, I was appalled. She was an ideal team member – insightful, intelligent, hard working and fun.
But as she walked down the streets of Kansas City, people regularly yelled slurs at her, she said. I asked if she experienced anything like that at work. I was relieved when she said she hadn’t. Then I asked if she had any advice on how I could make Shockey Consulting a better place to work.
“Your company would benefit from cultural diversity training,” she said.
Excuse me?
I was so hurt at the time it felt like a gut punch. Me? My company? It felt like an accusation. But then – thank goodness – I got my act together and realized I had no place to be offended. This wasn’t a time for me to react and defend myself. This was one of those oh-so-hard moments in life when you’re called on to just listen. Listen and then learn.
She was right, of course. We could benefit from cultural diversity training. Everyone could. But beyond that, she taught me an invaluable lesson. Saying I could be a better ally didn’t mean I was a bad person. It just meant I was an evolving person. She was telling me she wanted me to understand her path, her challenges.
Because if I want to help make communities stronger, I need to start there.
Becoming a better ally
Since then, I’ve tried to understand the privilege being white gives me. (Immeasurable.) I grew up in Western Kansas and, no surprise, we didn’t sit around the dinner table talking about systemic oppressions. What’s more, I didn’t know any people of color so I never thought about how we navigate the world differently. I had that naive view because I didn’t think I was racist, I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Now, I’m actively trying to use my privilege to be a better ally. With the help of others, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned.
Shut up and listen.
Be quiet, check your ego at the door – and listen to people who don’t benefit from the same systems of privilege that you do. I had NO idea how much I had to learn. It’s humbling. But I’m trying.
Intentions are nothing.
Your intentions don’t absolve you from wrongdoing. It isn’t up to you to decide what’s offensive or what perpetuates a negative stereotype. That privilege rests solely with the person who was offended. So whether or not you meant harm, is irrelevant. If you harm someone, you own your behavior.
Committees are just the start.
Many workplaces have launched Diversity, Equity and Inclusion committees and initiatives. That’s great. They also commit to hiring diverse applicants. Also great.
But, often, people feel that’s all they need to do. I realized you can’t just check boxes at work. If you want an equitable workplace, you need to work outside of the office to create a more equitable society.
We own the burden.
When I asked my former employee what we could do to improve, my intentions were solid. But, in a way, I shifted the blame to her. I made her responsible for teaching me what I could do better. Marginalized communities don’t own the problem. We may not have originally made the mess, but our privilege and lack of action means we need to clean it up.
Check your bias.
Many well-educated, white professionals feel as if they’re not racist, so – what work is there to do? They may not be yelling slurs on the street, but they carry deep-seated biases that support systems of oppression and, often, lead to micro-aggressions.
To get started, take an Implicit Association Test. They aren’t scientifically valid but they are insightful. (The test has limits which you can read about here.)
Be an active learner.
Breaking down my white privilege and implicit biases – and even outright prejudices – is a long, hard process. I know more today than I did a year ago.
But I still have a long way to go. We all do.
Contact me if you would like to learn more about how you can elevate people and make your workplace and community more equitable.